Is There Room For Free Speech In The Public School Setting?
Looking back on your time at school, do you notice how your grade, middle, & high school relationships were based a lot upon the minuscule moments you got to talk to your peers right before school, during projects, PE, at lunch/recess, and after school? That’s a total of about 2.5 hours, broken up, out of the 7-hour school day that children are allowed to speak freely & build relationships. The rest of the hours are structured, pre-planned, and have expectations that students need to be quiet, listen, and only talk when prompted. Therefore, the larger majority of a day at school is spent discouraging children to speak.
At home, families are encouraging their kids to speak up for themselves, especially for their ideas, and in their defense. Yet in school they are being taught to only talk at certain times.
For the introverted children, the negative underlying effect of this design is that they will learn to share their thoughts less. Way less than they would if they were given the chance to express themselves freely, fearlessly, and especially from the beginning of their learning career. For the extroverted children, who talk when they’re “not supposed to”, are reprimanded, and given a bad reputation over time.
Why has public speaking become a big fear for so many of us? It’s a result of an upbringing where our speech was not encouraged, our ideas were not supported, and our voices rarely heard. It’s a result of an upbringing where it’s become easier to stay quiet, not share our thoughts, and thus avoid embarrassment or criticism. It’s a result of disrespect in that we don’t honor each-other’s individual opinions; where we have been taught to judge opinions that don’t match your own. It’s a result of a controlled society where shame is used to contort the choices of our actions into being a “good” and “agreeable” person who doesn’t argue or speak out of turn.
This irregular style of permitting free speech has been normalized in society since schools started in the nineteenth century.
The reason any of this is so important is because todays children are looking up to the adults. If they are still shamed for speaking—like we were—they will keep their mouth shut. Children adapt and do what they have to to survive thier living situations.
Remember what it was like for you as a child when you got made fun of, or yelled at by an adult, for saying something?
It hit you hard.
To your child self, the lesson learned there was ‘when I say what I think, it puts me in an unsafe place where I will get emotionally hurt or embarrassed. I don’t like that feeling. So I will do what doesn’t cause those feelings. I will not say what I think.”
Why do you think children are afraid to tell the truth so much? Especially when it comes to making them look bad? We haven’t taught them that they are supported, even more so, when they do tell the truth. They are afraid because of the shame and judgment that is so easily expressed onto them.
I know many parents are reading this thinking “I do support my child when they talk. And I try my best to make them feel heard”. I personally thank you for striving to do that every day! It means so much to your children to have a parental model like that.
The concerning thing is that your efforts at home to encourage free speech are being undone in the school setting. Once they’re at the age of full time school, they are in school more than they are at home. Consequently, you’ll have the smaller end of the stick in the number of hours of your child’s attention.
If we are truly wanting a better world for our children, and all the people after us, bringing life back into the term ‘free speech’ is one powerful way of doing that! Let’s start encouraging children to use their voices, remembering that we are fostering their ability to feel confident about themselves as a whole.
Written by Erika Zimmerlein, Founder of NYLL
10/25/2023
